


You'll Spring Back Up

by wholocked_Pinkie_in_theImpala



Series: The AU No One Needed [5]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotionally Repressed, Gay Subtext, Gen, Light Angst, Social Anxiety, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, shyan if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholocked_Pinkie_in_theImpala/pseuds/wholocked_Pinkie_in_theImpala
Summary: Shane never thought he would lose something as important as this. But it wasn’t a big deal. It couldn’t be. Ryan didn’t want it to be.





	You'll Spring Back Up

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago but never uploaded it for some reason. So here you go!

Shane stared at the empty desk beside him for the longest time. It didn’t feel natural to not have someone sitting by his side. Someone was always there. Someone close to him. Shane shook his head and turned toward his assignment. But he couldn’t focus on it. Something was missing --  _ someone _ was missing. It felt too silent and too empty. There weren’t any complaints or pens getting thrown his way. It wasn’t right.

Before he knew it, the bell had rung. He blinked. His assignment was empty of answers. Sighing, he shoved it into his backpack to do for homework later. It was lunchtime now; the most awkward part of the day. He flung his backpack over his shoulder and left the class.

Ryan had given him the news about a month before. They were just hanging out, eating ice cream, when Ryan dropped the bomb that shattered Shane’s world.

“I’m moving.”

Shane froze with the spoon in his mouth. He didn’t know how to respond, so he just stared at Ryan with wide eyes.

Ryan looked down at his bowl as he continued, “My dad got a new job so we’re moving to be closer to it.”

That was fine, right? It was just moving houses. “But,” Shane spoke around the spoon. “You’re still going to the same school?” Ryan appeared to hesitate, making Shane panic a little. “Right?”

Ryan let go of his spoon. “There’s a school right down the street from our new house.”

Shane’s heart dropped. So that was it? Would this be the last time they hung out together? “Oh,” was the only thing he could get out. He set down his spoon, suddenly not feeling like finishing his ice cream. “That’s…” What was he supposed to say? How could he say anything? The first friend he ever made was now leaving him. He kind of thought it would be the other way around…

“I don’t want to, Shane, I really don’t.” Ryan looked at Shane, distress clear. “I want to stay here with you -- with everyone. I want to finish off high school in the same one I started it in.”

Shane felt his hands beginning to tremble. No. He could do this. “B-but --” Stop. Be calm. He couldn’t let his stupid stutter show how he felt. When he made eye contact with Ryan, he found he had to turn away. “When are you leaving?”

“Next month.”

That was no time at all. This couldn’t be happening. What was he supposed to do when Ryan was gone? Who would he talk to? Who would make jokes with him? “Well… don’t get too lonely without me.” Shane cracked a grin and forced himself to look at Ryan. He had to pretend he was fine.

Ryan seemed to relax a bit, letting out a little smile. “I’ll try my best.”

And that was the end of that. He was gone by the end of March. Earlier than either of them expected.

Which lead to where Shane is now.

The fourth day without Ryan at school and it was torture. He felt more awkward than he had been in months. It was like he didn’t fit in anywhere. His continuing growth made him tower over most people and he didn’t have anyone by his side to make him seem more natural. He didn’t hang out with Ryan’s friends anymore because it didn’t feel right. Ryan made him feel like less of an outsider in their group. Without Ryan, it felt… forced. It seemed like the group was only friends with Shane because Ryan was. So he left them.

He was on his own again. It was rather bittersweet. He had been alone for most of his life -- too much of a broken human being to create any real bonds outside of his family -- so one would think that being alone again was no big deal. After all, he had only known Ryan for a few short two and a half years. But Ryan was different; he made an impact on Shane’s life. Shane couldn’t even make eye contact with his  _ parents, _  speak above a whisper or without a stutter on every word. Ryan changed that. He helped Shane to be bolder, more confident. It was all because of Ryan -- _for_ Ryan. Of course, Shane would never admit that out loud. Now it just seemed like a waste of effort. All of Ryan’s hard work was for naught.

Back when Shane didn’t know Ryan, he would just sit in the library during lunch and pick out a random book so no one would talk to him. He’d only eat lunch in the class after because his teacher allowed it. Now, he didn’t know what to do. Being in the library seemed too lonely; he had grown accustomed to people's company. But without a better idea, Shane walked into the library.

He took a chair farthest from other people and sat down. He held his phone in his hand, contemplating on whether or not he should text Ryan. Would that be okay? Was Ryan in the middle of class still? Would Ryan even want to hear from him right now? What if he came off as desperate? He didn’t want to seem like he  _ needed _ Ryan’s attention. Besides, Ryan probably moved on. It was always easy for him to make friends -- he made a friend out of Shane, after all. It wasn’t like Ryan ever really needed Shane the same way Shane needed Ryan. Maybe it would be best to wait until Ryan text Shane first -- if he ever did.

Shane put his head in his hands and groaned. He sounded like a teenage girl. This was  _ Ryan  _ he was thinking about. Shane grimaced behind his hands. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best way to word it, but it was true. It was only Ryan. Ryan wasn’t someone who was difficult to understand. It was clear before he left that he wanted to keep in touch with Shane.

“You seem lonely.”

Shane removed his hands to see a small girl in front of him. Well, to be fair, a lot of people were small to him.

“You alright?” She smiled at him.

“Fine,” Shane mumbled. He tried not to seem uncomfortable at the concern, but he wasn’t sure if it showed.

The girl quirked a brow in what appeared to be amusement. “You look like you need a friend.” She pulled up a chair next to Shane, making his anxiety spike. “I’m Sara.”

“Sh-Shane.” He held back a wince at his stutter.

She squinted at him as if trying to look deeper into his subconscious. “Aren’t you the guy that hangs out with… gosh, what was his name? You guys are like super close. You tend to follow each other around like lost puppies.”

Shane took personal offense to that. He did  _ not  _ follow Ryan around like a lost puppy. And how did she not know Ryan, anyway? Everyone knew about Ryan; he was a star in almost everything that he did. “You m-mean Ryan?”

“That’s it!” She grinned at him. “Where’s he been?”

“He m-moved.” He didn’t answer while looking at her. “Just last week.”

“Oh, really? I just got here but I’ve heard so much about him.”

Shane furrowed his brows. “Just got here?” He said it more to himself, but Sara responded.

“Moved here only two weeks ago,” she chirped. “I’ve heard a lot of things about you two -- mostly Ryan, but still. I heard he punched a guy in the nose last year and didn’t get suspended for it.” Shane felt his face flush. He didn’t like to remember that. “People love to spread gossip, don’t they?”

“Y-yeah,” Shane agreed awkwardly. That wasn’t so much gossip as it was the truth. The only reason Ryan didn’t get into any trouble was because he fled the scene and no one would admit who threw the punch. With no justice, the other kid left the school. He was a dick anyway.

Sara looked at him like she noticed him for the first time, but she said nothing about it. “Anyway,” she shook her head. “Why’d he move? Everyone seems to love him here -- or fear him -- I can’t exactly tell yet.”

Shane wanted to snort at the idea of Ryan being feared. He was just Ryan. “His dad got a new job.”

“Aw, that sucks.” Sara’s eyes widened. “Not that his dad getting a new job sucks, I just mean that it sucks that he had to move because of it.”

Shane let out a little chuckle. It was always fun to watch someone else struggle with words for once. It gave him a satisfaction; other people could do it too. “I know what you mean.”

Sara was relieved. “Oh good.”

There was some point in their small talk that Shane’s uncomfortableness grew from a dull background thing to a thorn in his side. He noticed something that made him want to squirm. Or crawl into a hole and die. Sara acted an awful lot how Ryan used to when they first met. Eager to make a friend out of Shane? Check. Agreeable to his whole stuttering thing? Check. Energetic about life itself? Double check. She was the bouncing ball of happiness to Shane’s relentless negativity. Similar to how Ryan’s belief in the world balanced out Shane’s skepticism of everything. It made his skin crawl.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and their conversation. Shane couldn’t tell if he was unhappy or relieved.

Sara sighed. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but I think we both have places to be.” She picked up her backpack off the floor. “I’ll see you around?”

Shane felt an odd feeling wash over him. “Y-yeah, sure… see you around.” He didn’t realize the response was too familiar until Sara had left him.

The next day Shane felt sick. Not sick as if he had a cold or anything, but sick like the world was dragging on his shoulders. He hid in the library at lunch, hoping not to run into Sara again. He wasn’t really feeling it today. He held his head in his hands as he sat on the floor (he may or may not have chosen to sit behind a bookshelf to hide from Sara).

Ryan didn’t text him yesterday. It made him think that Ryan really had moved on. No. That couldn’t have been. He took out his phone. But maybe it was. He stared at the blank screen. Ryan said he still wanted to be friends. There were still no messages. Maybe that was said just so Shane wouldn’t feel bad. He groaned and put his forehead on his knees.

He was doing that teenage girl thing again. How embarrassing.

It wouldn’t be all that surprising if Ryan was relieved to finally be rid of Shane. Maybe Ryan had started something he couldn’t finish. He saw how horribly malfunctioned Shane was and realized it was something he couldn’t fix. This move was probably a really big relief for him. It was pathetic on Shane’s behalf to even believe that he had made a friend. Ryan was nothing more than someone who tried to help because that was their job to society.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Shane snapped to attention. His wide eyes met Quinta Brunson -- a close friend of Ryan’s. “Uh, yeah, f-fine,” he mumbled, hating himself a little. It was like Ryan’s victory died a bit every time Shane mumbled and stuttered.

Quinta didn’t appear convinced. “Are you sure? You’ve been acting a little weird ever since Ryan left.”

Shane felt his cheeks heat up. Was it really that obvious? “I’m always weird.” He crossed his arms and turned his eyes away. “I just seem normal next to Ryan.”

Quinta laughed. “While that might be true, I’ve noticed how sad you’ve been without him. It’s like you’re back to that scared little freshman you used to be -- like you’re afraid to be yourself without him to back you up.”

Shane looked at Quinta in disbelief. That wasn’t true… was it? He was always a timid, awkward person. Ryan just magnified the good parts of him. He didn’t… He wasn’t… He was himself, goddammit. He wanted to tell Quinta that, but his mouth stayed shut. The words were filling his tongue, ready to form at his throat, yet nothing came out.

Quinta scanned his face as if searching for something. Shane wanted to squirm but held his ground. “Alright,” she conceded. “You don’t have to admit to anything. If you need someone to talk to, I’m your gal.” She smiled at him. It was a little sad. Almost like she pitied him. “I’ll see you ‘round.”

“Y-yeah,” Shane muttered, feeling an odd wave of nostalgia wash over him. He watched Quinta leave with partial regret. Maybe this was an opportunity to be open with more than one person. Maybe this was a chance to prove that he  _ was  _ someone without Ryan by his side.

He jumped when he felt violent vibrating in his hand. There was a call coming in. From Ryan? Shane looked at it quizzically before deciding to answer. “Hello --?”

“ _ OH MY GOD, SHANE _ .”

Shane winced and held the phone away from his ear. He looked at it with furrowed brows as Ryan continued to squeal on the other end. He put it back to his ear with much reluctance. “What? Ryan, you -- okay -- yeah -- no, stop -- wait, wait -- Ryan --” Shane let out an annoyed sigh. “Ryan, shut up.” The other end was near silent. “You’re going too fast.”

“ _ I’m sorry, I just… wow, Shane _ ,” Ryan sounded awestruck.

“What is it?” Shane had a pretty good idea, but it was polite not to make assumptions.

“ _ I just met the best girl in the world. She’s super nice and helpful and pretty... Holy shit, Shane. I can’t even begin to describe how pretty she is _ …” Then Ryan continued to ramble about the pretty girl he met in the library while checking out textbooks.

It gave Shane an odd feeling. Jealousy? Shane wanted to throw up at the idea. That couldn’t be it. Perhaps another word stemming from jealousy. Something a little more on the sad side. Sad? Was he sad? He felt a little bitter. But that must have been leftover from before the call. There was no way he was bitter about Ryan befriending a pretty girl. There was just something a little off-kilter. He could figure it out, right? It couldn’t have anything with Ryan. It couldn’t.

“ _ Shane _ ?”

Shane blinked and the thoughts disappeared. He recognized the slight concern leaking into Ryan’s voice. “What?” He didn’t dare bat an eye at his voice crack; like a person who hadn’t spoken in years, or someone who was a second away from a breakdown. He cleared his throat and continued, “I’m sorry, I got distracted by... Did you ask me something?”

There was a pause on Ryan’s end. “ _ I did _ …” Another pause. “ _ Are you okay, Shane _ ?”

“Why do people feel the need to ask me that?” Shane snapped on command. He froze as if he couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth. What an idiot. Why would he do that? What possessed him to say it like that -- to say it at all? The silence on the other end caused the regret to build. Shane rarely lost his cool. He was a level-headed dude. So what the fuck?

“I’m sorry --”   
“ _ Shane _ \--”

They both stopped.

“You can continue,” Shane whispered.

“ _ Thanks _ ,” Ryan muttered in a voice just as quiet. Something about that made Shane’s heart drop. Would this be it for them? Did Shane fuck it up in just one phone call? But Ryan continued at a normal level, “ _ I was going to ask if you had been talking to anyone. No one has mentioned you at all. Have you been going to school? _ ”

Shane wanted to rip his hair out. He didn’t want Ryan to find out like this. Or at all. It was his own personal business. So what if he secluded himself because Ryan left? Ryan didn’t need to know that. “Of course I’ve been going to school.” This isn’t how Shane wanted this to go. “I just… haven’t been talking to your friends.”

“My _ friends? Shane, they’re  _ our  _ friends. _ ”

“I don’t really see it that way.”

Ryan went silent. Fuck. Why the hell would Shane say that? Why? No one needed to know that -- least of all Ryan. “ _ How long have you seen it that way, exactly?” _ The way Ryan said it made Shane squirm. It was cold and calculated; unlike how Ryan spoke normally. It almost reminded Shane of how  _ he  _ spoke.

“W-well, I --”

“ _ Don’t dance around the subject _ .”

Shane’s mouth snapped shut. Maybe Quinta was right. Maybe he  _ was  _ back to that scared little freshman he used to be. “For a while,” Shane sighed in defeat. He felt crushed; he wasn’t his own person without Ryan. “I’ve never really felt apart of your group.”  _ The only one I felt accepted with was you _ . Shane bit his tongue on that remark. He wouldn’t dare say that out loud. Not now.

Ryan didn’t respond right away. He sighed, but Shane couldn’t tell what it meant. “ _ Why didn’t you ever tell me that? _ ”

Great. Now Shane felt like an asshole. “I’m sorry, Ryan, I didn’t --”

“ _ I have to go _ .” Ryan sounded disappointed. Shane had a slight suspicion that it wasn’t because he had to leave.

Panic stabbed Shane through the heart. “W-wait, Ryan --”

“ _ Bye, Shane _ .”

“Ryan --” But Ryan had hung up.

Shane tightened his grip on his phone. He pulled it away from his ear to set it on his knee. Ryan had never done that before. Why would he do it now? Shane felt tears spring to his eyes. No, no,  _ no _ . He wasn’t going to cry over this. This was stupid. _He_ was stupid. It wasn’t something to cry over. He wasn’t a baby. He had grown past crying over things. This was nothing. He refused to act like the dumb little kid he was. With an aggravated sigh, he stood up.

Maybe it was time to find Sara.

* * *

Shane stared at the ceiling in his room. He and Ryan were supposed to meet up at the library to study, but Ryan never showed up. Shane waited for over an hour and even texted Ryan countless times, but it was all inconclusive. Ryan never responded so Shane just went home. It was a little depressing, he had to admit. Ryan had been his friend for five years now and he had never done this before. He always made sure to tell Shane if he wasn’t showing up -- which was rare in itself since Ryan wasn’t one to cancel plans. This was something new and, obviously, Shane had to complain about it.

**Sara:** _ You’re not crying about him again are you? _

Shane felt his face redden at the text he had received. He couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. Before he could respond, another text came in.

**Sara:** _ Kidding. But what happened? _

So Shane explained. Over the three years Shane had known her, Sara had become a very good person to vent to. She was a friend he made all on his own without the help of a certain somebody. It made it all the more genuine when they talked.

**Sara:** _ Maybe he went out with Helen again? _

Shane frowned.

**Me:** _ Without telling me? _

Ryan made sure to tell Shane everything. They were so involved in each other’s lives that it seemed weird not to know something.

**Sara:** _Idk. Maybe he just forgot. Or maybe there was an emergency_ _  
_ **Sara:** _I’m just trying to come up with something to make him seem like less of an ass_

As Shane was preparing to type his response, his phone started ringing. Ryan’s stupid face appeared on his screen. Sighing, Shane answered it. “Hello?”

“ _ Did you leave _ ?”

Straight to the point. “Did I leave?” Shane wanted to laugh. “Of course, I left, Ryan. Do you really think I have all day to wait for you?” He didn’t give Ryan a chance to respond. “Where the hell were you anyway?”

Oh, Shane could  _ feel  _ the hesitation. “ _ Something came up _ .”

“And what was that something?”

“ _ Helen wanted to -- _ ”

“Helen.” Shane felt something snap inside of him. “We  _ planned  _ this, Ryan. We were both free to do this.” Maybe it was the stress of college life catching up to him, or maybe because it was almost ten at night, but Shane was having none of it. “I know you want to spend time with her, Ryan, I get it. But why the fuck didn’t you tell me you weren’t planning on showing up?”

“ _ It just slipped my mind -- _ ”

This time Shane actually laughed. It was bitter and short. “Of course it did.” He was tired. He wanted to talk to Sara -- a friend who  _ actually  _ cared about him. Hearing Ryan trying to scramble for composure wasn’t fun when there were no ghosts involved. “I’ll talk to you later, Ryan.”

“ _ Wait, Shane -- _ ”

“Goodbye, Ryan.”

“ _ Shane --” _ But Shane had hung up.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted the writing style to seem more "Shane", in a way. Hopefully, I fulfilled that? Idk. I write this AU just for fun and I hope you guys can enjoy it as well :)


End file.
